Greetings precious ones!
He loves me, he loves me not; I wonder if she thinks I'm cool; if I get this promotion then I will get the respect I deserve; I never get noticed, etc.
So often questions like those indicate how often we give others power over our our sense of self. We also fall into the habit of thinking we are the center of the universe and that everything is happening to us. As our author states, "it takes a great deal of you to see the other person's action may have very little to do with you....the point is that when someone else's action or decisions undermine your entire sense of self, you have given away your power!"
The questions for today are:
. Have you ever given away your power?
. How do you or have you taken it back?
. When something goes wrong, how do you not blame another or make them the bad guy, while still maintaining your sense of self and intrinsic value?
Have a blessed day!
Rev. Sylvi
I have really understood this for many years and have not really given away my power since ending my marriage in the early ‘70s. After the thirteen year relationship, I felt rejected until I realized that both of us bore responsibility. We were simply too young to understand nurturing and growing a relationship. Once I accepted that, I couldn’t feel blame or shame. I went on to learn the complexities of coupling and, therefore, don’t feel pride or rejection by the success or failure of relationships.
ReplyDeleteToday, if I meet a man who “doesn’t call,” My spirit says, “Oh Well.” God knows I’m waiting for the one that He intends for me.
Even in the workplace, I watched some people break down when hundreds of us were riffed from federal positions. I already knew that my employer didn’t validate my worth, so neither did that experience make me feel invalidated.
I loved one of the points made in this lesson: So much power is given away to ordinary flawed human beings who probably don’t want it, don’t know they have it, and know far less about us than we know about ourselves.
I don't know if I give my power away but what I do is I play small. I don't reach as high as I believe I could or I should because I am afraid of failing or that I won't be good enough. I am in the profession that I dreamed of all my life and I know that I have to learn to not chase the paper but chase the dream. That I am the only one in my way. I wish I could blame someone for falling short in my own eyes but truth be told I fortunately or unfortunately know better. Recently, I have taken some monumental steps towards correcting this and as scared as I am I am determined. Like Bob Marley said I have the bag of tools and the book of rules This is IT!
ReplyDeleteFor a long time I was giving my power away not relizing that I had any. Once I learned how to love and value myself, I not only recognized my power; I started taking my power back, or not giving it away so easily.
ReplyDeleteIt was a little scary at first because I had to flex some muscles that I had not used. I had to learn how to say "No" and be able to stand firm and feel the fear of abandonment and rejection, and I got through it.
I am still working on being able to see that when a person does something that annoys me,they are not necessarily doing it to me; they are just doing it because that is who they are. Doing this helps me to not take everything so personally and decreases my need to blame.
Yes, I have given away my power many times. There is a part of me that always felt that it was a a reflection of me as to who I was in a relationship with, or who wanted me gave me value. I must be a "catch", a good guy, a nice person, because look at the great qualities of the person that wants me. And then I would dip into a feeling of "Hmmm maybe I am not all that, based on the ebbs and tides of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteYeah, can't write much more here, because this has already been a topic of my private journalling. I do know a lot of it comes form being judged "good" when I did good, or smart if I got good grades. Positive praise that was contigent. And that still makes sense to me. (Here is the big buts coming in" Yes I know I am a manifestation of God, BUT...
So yes, this was a timely message for me
I have given away my power by living in the past or wishing for the future. By getting fixated on the “will do, could haves, would haves and should haves” of my life, I diminished my power to live in the present. I am trying to determine if I pawned my power or allowed it to be dormant. Either way, I did not own or utilize it to live my best life. I thank God, I have learned in theory and more and more as a practical matter –now is all I have. For me reclamation of my power is daily process. I take back my power by realizing I have the power to stay in the moment and by treating my power like a precious commodity-to be cherished. My challenge when things go wrong is accepting only what is mine and not entirety of the wrongs. To maintain by sense of self, I realize there is generally enough blame to go around-own what is mine and leave the rest, forgiving myself and the other as quickly and completely as I want God to forgive me and remind myself that God loves me.
ReplyDeleteI gave away my power to my ex-husband and after the divorce took my power back as well as took control of my life. Since then, I haven’t done the “wholesale” giving of my power, but I have relinquished my power or not assumed my power in an effort to not appear as “taking over.”
ReplyDeleteOne trait that I learned early in my life was to view any challenging situation from the perspective of the other person. That attitude has helped me tremendously!! This has allowed me to see my stuff quicker and make the needed adjustments in my approach. While this has helped a great deal, there have been times (and still are sometimes) when I haven’t seen any error in my thinking or approach and I’ve stuck to what I believed and became intent on being right. We all know where that leads . . . .
The bottom line for me is to value who I am and whose I am while also valuing others. There have been times in my past when I have lost my authentic self while trying to be what someone else wanted me to be. The lesson learned is that doesn’t work either! Now, I live my life being grounded in the Truth as I maintain my sense of self. I believe that as people connect with one another successfully there has to be a connection with our Source, a sharing of the power and a knowingness of self.
I have given my power away and even worse,,,put myself on sale for someone who wasn't worthy of my time. It was a big heartbeart and an even larger lesson. Since then I've taken it back and have been careful to never lower my price not even for the most attractive offer.
ReplyDeleteNOt blaming the other has been hard -- I really played victim here. Today I believe that my key didn't fit the love-togetherness "lock" so we had no business pretending. I"m glad to have lived through it but never again!
This lesson really hit home for me. There is a myriad of ways in which I have lost, pawned or gave away my sense of self. In some ways my sense of self was taken before I knew I was entitled to own it. Growing up my sense of sense of self was eroded by societal norms and well-meaning family members who themselves were raised in the south during the 40s, 50s and 60s. They taught me the life lessons about survival, which were taught to them by relatives raised in the south during the 20s, 30s and 40s. My point is if your closest and earliest teachers did not have a sense of themselves and their power, they could not pass on that which they did not have. Erosion. You cannot simply tell someone to own their power it has to be demonstrated by living it. Other external messages I received were from advertisers “how God made you is not good enough and you must look a specific way to be valued.” Your hair- it is the wrong texture (use lye relaxers), your lips-far too thick (you will have to live with that), your skin –waaay too dark (ambi). Erosion. Sometimes, even writers of popular music, soap-opera and movies, echoes the messages of “derive your value from those who love you and until somebody loves you, even if in a negative way, you are not valued.” One IS the loneliest number. Erosion. As an adult, I gave my power away by playing the martyr in my own life, tolerating people, situations and things, I should not have. I have tolerated situations to avoid conflict, avoid hurting the other and putting myself last. Erosion. When I understood how much of myself I had lost or never owned, I begin a daily (sometimes hourly) reclamation process. First by knowing I am entitled to own my thoughts, emotions and space. Lovingly expressing my truth – not to harm/upset another but to liberate me.
ReplyDelete